Special Day with Mom

I grew up as the oldest of 4 children. Life was always pretty hectic around our house, and my brothers and I often had to compete for our parents' attention. It was especially bad during the summer, when we were all home from school and often reciting that familiar mantra "Mom, I'm bored."

One summer my mom came up with a great idea. She scheduled a babysitter for 4 days out of the summer. Then she wrote each of our names on the calendar on one of those days. That was our special day with mom. There were very few guidelines concerning that day. We each had $10 to spend anyway we wanted. We could go anywhere we wanted, as long as it was legal and moral. That was it. Oh the planning we did. My brother, Brad, decided on a matinee. Justin wanted to go to the comic book store. Charles wanted to go to the toy store.

When my day arrived, I decided to go window shopping at the mall. My mom and I looked at clothes, toys, jewelry, and knickknacks. I think my mom was thrilled to do some "girl stuff". At the end of our day, we headed over to Coco's restaurant for hot fudge Sundays! Yum!

Every summer my mom continued this tradition. And every summer my mom and I would spend the day at the mall, followed by hot fudge Sundays at Coco's. Now that my mom is getting older and is not in the best of health, it's a memory I will treasure forever. And it's a tradition I'm going to start this summer with my own children. I wonder what they'll each decide to do with a free day and $10?

This post is my entry for Scribbit's Write-Away Contest for June. For more information on the contest, click here.

Related Tags: traditions, summer, kids

10 Unreasonable Expectations We Have of Our Children

A friend of mine posted this on a message board I frequent. It was so good, I thought I'd repost it here. 1. We expect children to be able to do things before they are ready. We ask an infant to keep quiet. We ask a 2-year-old to sit still. We ask a 4-year-old to clean his room. In all of these situations, we are being unrealistic. We are setting ourselves up for disappointment and setting up the child for repeated failures to please us. Yet many parents ask their young children to do things that even an older child would find difficult. In short, we ask children to stop acting their age. 2. We become angry when a child fails to meet our needs. A child can only do what he can do. If a child cannot do something we ask, it is unfair and unrealistic to expect or demand more, and anger only makes things worse. A 2-year-old can only act like a 2-year-old, a 5-year-old cannot act like a 10-year-old, and a 10-year-old cannot act like an adult. To expect more is unrealistic and unhelpful. There are limits to what a child can manage, and if we don’t accept those limits, it can only result in frustration on both sides. 3. We mistrust the child’s motives. If a child cannot meet our needs, we assume that he is being defiant, instead of looking closely at the situation from the child’s point of view, so we can determine the truth of the matter. In reality, a "defiant" child may be ill, tired, hungry, in pain, responding to an emotional or physical hurt, or struggling with a hidden cause such as food allergy. Yet we seem to overlook these possibilities in favor of thinking the worst about the child’s "personality". 4. We don’t allow children to be children. We somehow forget what it was like to be a child ourselves, and expect the child to act like an adult instead of acting his age. A healthy child will be rambunctious, noisy, emotionally expressive, and will have a short attention span. All of these "problems" are not problems at all, but are in fact normal qualities of a normal child. Rather, it is our society and our society’s expectations of perfect behavior that are abnormal. 5. We get it backwards. We expect, and demand, that the child meet our needs - for quiet, for uninterrupted sleep, for obedience to our wishes, and so on. Instead of accepting our parental role to meet the child’s needs, we expect the child to care for ours. We can become so focussed on our own unmet needs and frustrations that we forget this is a child, who has needs of his own. 6. We blame and criticize when a child makes a mistake. Yet children have had very little experience in life, and they will inevitably make mistakes. Mistakes are a natural part of learning at any age. Instead of understanding and helping the child, we blame him, as though he should be able to learn everything perfectly the first time. To err is human; to err in childhood is human and unavoidable. Yet we react to each mistake, infraction of a rule, or misbehavior with surprise and disappointment. It makes no sense to understand that a child will make mistakes, and then to react as though we think the child should behave perfectly at all times. 7. We forget how deeply blame and criticism can hurt a child. Many parents are coming to understand that physically hurting a child is wrong and harmful, yet many of us forget how painful angry words, insults, and blame can be to a child who can only believe that he is at fault. 8. We forget how healing loving actions can be. We fall into vicious cycles of blame and misbehavior, instead of stopping to give the child love, reassurance, self-esteem, and security with hugs and kind words. 9. We forget that our behavior provides the most potent lessons to the child. It is truly "not what we say but what we do" that the child takes to heart. A parent who hits a child for hitting, telling him that hitting is wrong, is in fact teaching that hitting is right, at least for those in power. It is the parent who responds to problems with peaceful solutions who is teaching his child how to be a peaceful adult. So-called problems present our best opportunity for teaching values, because children learn best when they are learning about real things in real life. 10. We see only the outward behavior, not the love and good intentions inside the child. When a child’s behavior disappoints us, we should, more than anything else we do, "assume the best". We should assume that the child means well and is only behaving as well as possible considering all the circumstances (both obvious and hidden from us), together with his level of experience in life. If we always assume the best about our child, the child will be free to do his best. If we give only love, love is all we will receive. Related Tags: parenting, children

Dear Children

Jordan, over at MamaBlogga is holding a group writing project with the theme "Dear Children". After much thinking, I decided to write to the young people of the United States. So without further ado, my letter: Dear Children, I am writing to you, because you are the future of the United States of America. We enjoy many freedoms in this country, freedoms we should never take for granted. Because I care about the future of my children and my future grandchildren, let me take a moment to offer some advice from someone who has been around a bit longer than you. When you pick a hero, pick someone with integrity, someone who stands for something. Paris Hilton and Britney Spears may seem cool to your generation, but what do they stand for? Do you really want to be like them? Idolize people who stand against adversity and succeed. Jim Abbott had no right hand, yet he became a Major League Baseball pitcher. Corrie ten Boom helped Jews escape the Nazis during the Holocaust. Liviu Librescu gave his life to help his students escape during the recent Virginia Tech Massacre. These are the types of people you should look up to. These are real heroes. Respect your elders. I know it’s hard to believe, but older people have gained a lot of wisdom from experience. If you have grandparents, get to know them well. Ask for their advice. Learn their stories. When I was in high school, I did a report on the Great Depression and interviewed all of my grandparents. I learned so much more than I ever could have, had I gotten all my information from a book. If you don’t have living grandparents, get to know other older people in your neighborhood or church. I’m sure they would appreciate your interest, and you will appreciate their knowledge. Think about what you wear. Like it or not, people remember first impressions. What do you want people to think when they meet you for the first time? Ladies, do you want people to think you are made of skin or substance? Men, do you want people to see you as a leader or as some young punk? How you present yourself is important, and often it will determine whether or not you are taken seriously. Treat people with respect. You don’t have to agree with people to treat them with respect. Just because someone doesn’t have the same background or values that you do, doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to be treated with civility. Look past color, religion, disability, social status, and political persuasion, and see the person. This country has often been too fragmented by different groups fighting against each other. Seek to work with people, not fight against them. Love, don’t hate. Vote. You live in a great country, where you have the privilege to make your opinion count. Don’t waste it. Learn about people running for office. Don’t just vote for someone because you like their commercials, the way they look, or that some Hollywood star endorses them. Find out what they stand for. Think about how their positions will impact your life. This is your vote. Make it count. Don’t turn your back on God. He created you, He loves you, and He wants the best for your life. If you don’t know Him, get to know him. If you’re skeptical, examine the evidence for God yourself. If you already have a relationship with God, seek to deepen it. People try to fill the voids in their lives with many different things…alcohol, drugs, pornography, sex….but none of them work in the long term. Stay away from those temporary fixes. Get to know the only One who can truly fulfill you. If you let Jesus guide your life, you won’t go wrong. I hope you take my suggestions to heart. Sincerely, One who has been there Related Tags: Group Writing Project, Dear Children, Parenting, Faith, Heroes

Last Day of School

Yesterday was Sam's last day of preschool for the year. As I reflect back on the year, I am amazed at how much he has changed. When the year started last September, Sam was behind in his speech, and at times I couldn't even understand what he was saying. Now he speaks clearly, and he's starting to read! I am so thankful that his first year at school was a good experience for him. It has set the foundation for a long-term love of school. His teachers had a lot to do with that. They were always positive and encouraging with him. I'd just like to thank teachers everywhere for the work they do. I know oftentime teachers are underpaid and overworked. Yet they continue to do their jobs with enthusiasm and love for their students. Teachers, next to parents, often have the biggest impact on our kids that any adult will have in our kids' school-age years. Teachers can make or break a child's love for learning, and my children's teachers have done a great job of fostering that love of learning. So thank you to all you teachers out there. And parents, don't forget to thank your children's teachers before the school year is over.

Helicopter Parents?

I was watching The Today Show this morning, when they ran a segment on Helicopter Parents...parents who hover over their kids. At first I thought they would be talking about parents of preschoolers, but no, they were talking about parents of adult children! These parents are involved in everything, including their children's job search. They don't just give advice; they tour their child's workplace, and some even attend their children's job interviews! I think this trend is ridiculous! As parents, our job is to train up our children, giving them more responsibility and independence as they grow older. Then when they become adults they will be responsible enough to live their own lives. We can't coddle our kids and shield them from all mistakes. What does that teach them? Nothing! We learn some of our best lessons from mistakes and failures. If we prevent our children from failing, how will they ever learn perseverance? About a year ago, I found a great book at the library called Life Skills for Kids: Equipping Your Child for the Real World by Christine Field. In this book, Field discusses time management, household chores, spiritual habits, and many more aspects of life that children need to master before heading out into the adult world. She does a great job of providing ideas on how to teach these skills to kids when they're young, so they can thrive as adults. I really need to buy a copy for myself, so I can have it on hand as a reference. I think Field has the right idea. I want to teach my children to be responsible for their own lives. I want to teach them to learn and grow from mistakes. I can't parent from a perspective of fear. I can't be afraid that my child will make mistakes or feel pain. That is a necessary part of life. I trust that God is in complete control of the outcome of my child's life. My responsibility is bring up my children in the ways of the Lord to the best of my ability, and then let them go to live their own adult lives. Related Tags: Children, Parenting, Helicopter Parents, Books, Christine Field

Things to do this summer

The school year is closing out, and ladies Bible study is coming to an end. In one more short month, I will have both kids at home full time. I love having my kids at home, but I've found that if I don't schedule some exciting activities, things go downhill in a hurry. Here's my top 10 list of fun (and inexpensive) things to do this summer. 1. Swim at the YMCA 2. Picnic at the local water park 3. Catch storytime at Barnes and Noble 4. Vacation Bible School 5. Plant a garden 6. Set up a tent in the yard. (makes a nice outdoor reading retreat) 7. Scavenger hunt (either in the yard or at the park) 8. Go camping 9. Go to the local Children's Museum 10. Make our own ice cream I'm sure we'll do more than that, but this is a good start. Related Tags: Children, Family, Summer, Activities